My Story

Missing Mum

Every Day is Washing Day

It was one of those ‘I don’t feel like facing the world’ kind of days. I was in the bathroom applying my make-up. Masking my weariness so that the outside world would think I was actually OK. My eldest son came in. He was about 13 at the time.
‘Are you OK mum?’
‘Yes honey. I just don’t feel like being a grown up today.’
‘But Mum… that’s your job.’

He’s right. It is my job. I am a grown up. I am responsible. I am a solo mum of two amazingly beautiful teenage boys and I am extremely grateful for that. But there are days I want to stamp my feet and have a little tantrum. I don’t want to be responsible and grown up. And that’s OK.

Some days I still need my mum. I miss my mum. I only realised when she was gone how much she did for me and my two boys. When I came home from work I would get cranky at her for hanging up my washing. She was having chemotherapy at the time and yet her obsessive compulsion for making sure the washing got dry in the winter months couldn’t keep her in bed. I also struggled with my feelings around wanting to be self sufficient and not letting anyone help me. I could do it all! A few months after she had passed away I was hanging out a load of washing at midnight. I was so busy at the time and finishing chores at midnight was becoming a regular occurrence. I missed my mum. If only I could get cranky at her again for hanging out my washing.

I miss her for so much more than just that.

Wishing everyone a blessed and peaceful Mother’s Day. I think I’ll have a day off from hanging up washing.

Tania.

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